the power of God and the prompting of the Holy Spirit

this is an experience i had at my old church last week when my dad went there to preach to the youth abt the Holy Spirit. ill make it short and sweet, hopefully.
the first happening was when my father gave the altar call. the youth was small thus they only had one guitar player on duty that night. so when the altar call came, i guess it wasnt part of their practice to know when to go up and help provide some music background so as to provide them at least a song for the youth to sing and identify with the message.

i was at the back, praying and asking God to just do his work powerfully in that small hall. that was when it came to me, why no music? cuz im so used to having songs to sing after a sermon in order for me to respond in heart and song as well. the youth pastor was standing next to me, and then it came. the prompting. i have never been able to play the guitar well in my life. u can ask anyone. i just try...and usually only i think its pleasant. but at that moment i just turned to the pastor and said, hey can i play the guitar? i went in front,. took the guitar and then came the human moment,

what in the world was i thinking, i cant lead worship with a guitar, i'm not even supposed to be standing in front of them. but i knew in my heart God told me to pick up that guitar. so i prayed for a song. and my most impromptu song came to me, Rain Down. and then i started playing, and singing and my heart was so encouraged when they all started to sing. Some were tearing and crying out to God, some were just in reverence of who they were giving praise to and at that moment, i truly felt what it meant to be really used by God as a mere vessel and nothing else. it was simply awesome to see how God had moved in that place. and then i started to play all the G D Em C songs i knew as the Spirit led me, it was awesome to be used and led solely by the presence of God and the prompting of His Holy Spirit.

my dad and i then started to pray individually for each of them and it was the first time i laid hands and prayed my heart out for someone i barely knew. i couldnt have done it by myself and i knew that God was the one giving me the words to say, the courage to even speak.what happened next was by far, one of the most amazing things i've experienced myself and heard from someone.

my dad told me that he'll pray for one more and then we'll leave. i had already prayed for whoever God told me to pray for. so i just waited for my dad to end. as my dad ended and signalled for me to follow him out of the hall. i got the same prompting again. from the same voice, and i told my dad i gotta pray for one more person. the worship leader. can? and he was like okay take your time. so i went to the worship leader and prayed for her. shared with her what it meant to me to be a worship leader etc etc. after i was done, i was ready to go and she pulled me back and asked if she could pray for me also. i was taken aback for a moment but agreed of course. her prayer for me was as if God was telling me he knew exactly wad was going on in my life,. the choices and decisions i have made and the first two sentences that she prayed, really hit home, and that shook me because i barely knew this girl. i just nodded in agreement and affirmed what she had prayed and was blessed by her words and her anointing as a worship leader and as a prayer warrior.

afterwards, she shared with me that she felt God had actually told her to pray for me when my dad and i first entered the hall. she was struggling with God on the basis that she didnt even know me and that she didnt have the guts to pray for someone like that. it was smth she had nv done before. but she finally relented towards the will of God but conditioned that she would only pray for me if i prayed for her first.and when she saw me about to leave then turning back and walking towards her, she knew God had taken up her challenge. i have never met the girl, didnt speak to her before the service, so when she told me the 'deal' she had made with God on whether to pray for me or not, it struck me.

when God needs people to do His work, He doesnt look for the know- it- alls or worse, the ' want-to-know-it-alls', he looks for the obedient. and that was exactly it. it was a pretty good example and i saw and experienced first hand one of the ways in which God works. it felt awesome to be a part of his work. an honor. God is so real. His Holy Spirit is so real. i thank God for everything He has done for me. I'm now more hungry to be involved in the work for His Kingdom. 

who's fault? / How important is God to you?

ever felt what it was like to see a bunch of your frens who used to go to church with you, be in minstry with you, hung out with you, shared most of your teenage life with you, take a wrong turn and end up all wrong?( i couldn't seem to find an appropriate noun). something happened, something out of the ordinary, something unexpected and you see yourself helpless in rectifying anything of the situation and they decide to leave the life they have lived, and live life another way.they cut you out compeletely from their lives without giving any sort of an explanation or justification, instead solely focussed on seeking out a seemingly better alternative. and you just can't stop thinking abt the WHAT IF's and what would be different if the WHAT IFs had come to past.

i cant get past myself, i take it upon myself that this has happened. what i cant pin down is what i could've have done. because at that point of time just being there for them just didnt seem to be able to cut it. but i was clueless. i was 15. i cant keep feeling bad for myself. there has got to be closure but i cant seem to know what that closure can be, or what it can even bring abt anyway. i wanna know whay it happened. how it happened and even more inportantly, how did leaving church become the best possible solution. its the easiest i guess but then again i'm not them so i can't predict what was going through their minds when they made that decision. its puzzling and frustrating. and i have started to question myself.

evangelism. how are we doing evangelism personally. was it enough? was it a case of unwillingness to reach out to our fellow christian, the one we brought to church. were we not willing to obey and hear God's prompting? there were signs, i think.

worship. are we fully aware that we were made to worship? our lives are not of our own if we choose to live a life that pleases god. if so will it still be so simple to just leave the faith? maybe there's a faulty pre requiste, discipleship. are our foundations right with God? do we know what we need to know to sustain us in times of trials and tribulations. are we set right? are we good to go? are our cells functioning well? are we thirsty for the Word? are we even thirsty for anything? how personal is God to you? how many of your strings are actually attached to God? (string = aspect of your life)

fellowship. how friendly are u to the regular stranger? how often do we try to see who talks to who first even when it comes to best frens? how often are we wearing masks of morality when we talk to someone we don't like? then again, how close are we as a youth group/church to even demand these standards of truthfulness and openness? how aware are we on what it is really like to be in the house of God as a family of God?

ministry. are we still caring abt ourselves? are we being mature and responsible in our own ministry? are we effective in our ministry? have we ever thought we are doing too much for our ministry? that we are too good for our ministry? who in the world said it was your ministry to begin with? if its going to be abt you, dun try to think otherwise to make yourself feel better yet again abt yourself. its not personal. its just the truth

lets set our records straight. history should not repeat itself like this. lets get our mindsets right. lets respond to God reasonably, unnecessary hurt and despair cannot do any good to us. its not abt me or you this time (and the times to come) its abt God, its for God.

Humility.

humility is something i believe, God has placed in our hearts. that possible setting of heart whereby you are able to access an understanding of a bigger picture, of a bigger heart, God's heart. it allows you to realise what is more important in the long run than in that fit of anger/immediate moment. all sounds very 'model answer' and very cliche doesn't it?


sometimes the truth does sound more cliche and "yea yea yea i know' than cool or revelational. the important part however comes from the willingness to obey God's heart or not. That is your defining moment, from being lost, to being found again in God's grace and mercy through obedience. The experience taught me alot. and it was definitely not easy both before and after the humbling of my own ego. but i think when we finally come to realise that God is ultimately in control and when His peace just embraces you like He always does, you feel the assurance that you ahve done the right thing. the thing that allows God to step in and take comtrol of the situation.


God is simple and direct in terms of free will. if you allow Him to step in, He will, but if u start to wrestle control again, then He won't interfere and instead watch you closely from where He is. Its here where He wants to watch you and make you grow. Allowing you to see the error of your ways and realise that there are just levels of thinking that you can't access unless you ask God for help. its like a person trying to do a math question he has no idea how to solve. but instead of submitting to a higher authority a.k.a teacher, he tries again and again. the end result is frustration and despair. Don't misunderstand his omniscient power for his gift of free will to us, or you will be sorely misunderstood on what you have to do when conflict arises. time will heal everything? it won't if nothing is done. and what if time is not on your side?

Instead, God will heal everything when u finally want to get on the boat of humility and forgiveness regardless the circumstances,as He will always be on your side ( not that he supports u in your argument with that someone.) Don't be cowardly. Don't misunderstand God's power, Who He is and what He is and what He stands for. Don't be lazy. what would Jesus do in your situation eh? cliche yet again. but true.

without God I am truly nothing. there was really a purpose to that failed test.

i need to sleep. then again watching old shows and browsing old pictures really make u wanna scream for whatever reason, be it good or bad. so many emotions and concerns and thoughts and feelings, i need God, now more than ever. this period of doing nth is doing something to me. at least there are a few people who make it all better every single day. to really adapt to change is so difficult. i seem to not be able to see past the next day, let alone the future. is it just me or is everything out of order. i need some focus, some sort of a thorough tidying up of myself. im bottling up too much. in a bid to be someone who can be looked up to, im slowly becoming someone i was always afraid to become, an idler. i cannot be like this. i gotta snap out of it. god help me snap out of it. i've lost touch. its time to come back to who i used to be. i dun like the present me. its too much. i've changed. ive got to unchange that. yeap. i have to. for everyone's sake. for my sake.o for goodness sake. literally.

the problems and the one solution

THE PROBLEMS

1) youth service is youth service, not the time to come late, take your time, and enter with an attitude that no one deserves. no one owes anyone anything. the only person we do owe is God

2) don't complain the youth ministry doesn't grow, cuz personal devotion itself helps you grow. blaming someone for our lack of growth is the equivalent of blaming satan for giving us temptation. if we really wanted to grow, we will regardless the provisions. leadership is something we dont question, because God appoints, we follow.

3) ministry is of the heart, not of outward gestures and performances, like in army, sooner or later people will see the 'wayang' (act act only). the heart endures, our emotions dont.rmb when mary chose to listen to Jesus and not help martha. Jesus said she chose what was better. Luke 10:38 a heart of focusing on the right thing which was Jesus.

4) youth ministry is not run by one. man up everyone and start doing something for your own youth ministry and stop taking a backseat and criticizing everything that is wrong from your own perspective, because it is small and short sighted. DO SOMETHING instead of SAY SOMETHING. God doesnt need onlookers, he needs doers of the Word. stop being lazy and hide being that lame excuse of ' but no sermon how we grow'. there are so many resources.(cell leaders, bible study materials, the BIBLE) or is it too much trouble to go to, to learn about a GOD who gave his ALL for us sinners? youth ministry starts with all of us. the pastures are always greener on the other side. and unless god tells u clearly to leave, you don't. its as simple as that.

5) we want to change our youth ministry? then start changing ourselves first and make ourselves usable for God. a heart of critique and unnecessary disrespect and coyness aren't things that God can use.

6) youth ministry is about GOD and not US. is what you can do for God and not what our youth ministry can do for us. its called a ministry. means outreach. so settle ourselves so we can settle others.

THE ONE SOLUTION

cant think of anymore problems we have at the moment but enough for us to reflect and ponder. the one solution is God. Get our lives in order and make ourselves usable. look at our own hearts before looking at others and judging them.get a GOD PERSPECTIVE instead of a 'ME' PERSPECTIVE.

stop our intra-ministry gossiping and focus on what really matters and what really needs to be addressed. it is ultimately God's youth ministry.

p.s. i just had to get it out. hope this wakes us all up

grace assembly and driving lessons

i finally went to grace assembly for a ministry meeting and it was awesome. they actually free worshipped for 15 mins during and after a song, twice! i've never experienced such freedom in worship in a collective before and i was so happy to be able to say all that i wanted to God with the loudest i could be and just raising my hands without regard. everyone is like that there! awesome. simply awesome. then Pastor meng chiam preached about living with grace in place, not displaced or replaced. such an input into my life. God has really prepared the place for me before i went. looking forward to sat man! band and singing training! GRACE IS AWESOME!

(awkward silence)

i went for my first driving lessons today also and i just realised that driving at 20km/h is actually FAST! yea its FAST! dun call me scaredy cat, u go and try yourself for the first time. lol! but it was really fun man. the instructor is really funny with his analogies and theories on the road. only thing is i brake and accelerate really hard so i gotta watch it. guess im made for faster things like F1! hahaha yea right.. haha o man im so not gonna be able to pass let alone drive ppl around. scared. very scary i wanna drive my tank again! =(

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i miss many people, many things, many times. God help me see that change is good.