prayer meeting (He's Got The Whole World In His Hands)

it was friday, and i dun usually go for prayer meetings because of sch and tuition. after the session with pastor bob, it ended quite late thus i decided to just go for prayer meeting. 

during the prayer meeting, prayer requests werent the only things on my mind, during the worship, i just felt every unhappy thought that i had towards the church, towards the youth grp, towards everything i felt was going wrong. nth seemed to work in terms of persuading them to see the correct way to go abt doing church as a team. it was a time when God just listened to my every problem, i felt i was the most problematic child in His kingdom. i couldnt bring myself to think abt anything else. i wanted to seek God and seek His ways, to know that His ways are higher, I somehow required more assurance.

this next part of the story is gonna sound ridiculous to some and hopefully meaningful and applicable to most. 

during this whole time, i was holding one of those stereotypical stress balls, and it was modelled after the globe, it belonged to josiah who received it from his geography teacher. this whole time while i was complaining and whining and being a little baby in the presence of God, my hand still held on to that globe stress ball, squeezing it everytime i had a complaint. 

worship ended and it was a time of free worship and spontaneous prayers, and we were all seated. ppl were praying aloud and i just couldnt seem to get a prayer out. i just agreed with them, nodding my head in approval and acknowledgement. i was still looking for an answer, and i got so frustrated, i just started to play with the stress ball, squeezing it, tapping it, still asking God why hasnt He given me an answer yet. i was kind of resigned that His ways are higher, in that non-chalant kinda way, and simply sat back. at that point of time, everyone was probably wondering why haven i prayed for smth yet, i was the only one left who hasnt muttered a single word.

Then, as i sat the stressball upright on the palm of my hand and looked at it for a moment, the complaining stopped, it just came to me, as clear as it was, " He's got the whole world in His hands' and it just kept repeating and it just kept coming to me ' he's got it covered ivan. why are u worried? He's got the whole world in His hands!' then i looked at the stressball sitting on my hand, thinking, this ball was 1/4 of my hand, and then another thought struck me ' now multiply that by a hundred times, thats how small the world is. thats how much he is in control. that is how big our God is' 

right there and then i started to worship, incidentally, it was the closing song, and i just sang my heart out more than ever, knowing my faith though seemingly shaken, had been strengthened once again. the phrase didnt stop coming to me, ' I've got the whole world in My hands, ivan, im in control" 

what a unique encounter with God, with His Holy Spirit speaking truth into my life and uplifting me once again.

God is good. He's got the whole world in His hands. and when you ask, it will be given, u just have to wait for the opportune moment.

a new post coming soon

hey all, ill be posting a new post soon somewhere next week. have been really busy in school so sorry for those who were expecting posts. i know its super outdated already, ill update it next week. promise. cheers=)

my reply to the "JUST A PASSERBY"

this is for the passerby that left the comments on my tagboard.

firstly, my post is not questioning the right or wrong of the act of putting in effort or the desire to improve oneself, but instead is questioning the intention behind these acts.effort only trumps natural talent when engineered and steered efficiently and proficiently,and that only happens successfully when God intends it with the greatest of intentions.any other motive that drives the effort will fail in many aspects, and may even cause other aspects of ur life to fall apart.
Secondly u are also assuming with ignorance that natural talent stands on it own without effort.

Thirdly if it is really God's way of helping you, then you wouldnt be asking me that question at all wont u? u probably wont be even bothered by this post.

Fourthly,my guess is that u want it to be God's way of helping you, or u wouldnt be positing the possibility at all.

Once again there is nothing wrong with 'putting in effort to make up' for what seems like a 'loss of innate ability' but i think ur effort is merely trying to mask and make up for the 'loss of ego' that you've suffered when u realised u lost out to someone u deemed 'unworthy' or 'improbable' to be better than u in that aspect.

Lastly,
my dear fren, if u really want to excel in whatever, its not gonna be abt u, what u want to excel in, what u think is best for ur 'presentation/performance/a chance to show off' etc.etc. it will be abt what God wants for you. and that will actually be better, and u will find more fuller and long lasting satisfaction than u ever did trying to excel on things god did not intend for u to excel in.

and if jealousy is the thing that drives u, it will be the thing that destroys u

God bless,

Ivan

envy

 this is random but im sure for most it is pretty relevant. the need to have everything someone else has. the need to better that someone even if it is just a act of unruly defiance, manifests from a singular feeling which is jealous envy. this feeling consumes ur every act and spoken word, simply because u think he/she doesnt deserve whatever he/she is enjoying now. maybe its money, or looks or studies etc. if u start on this road, its a slippery one. there is always someone better, in everything. what do u prove at the end of the day? that you can be better? okay but what comes out of that shows what motivates u.. jealousy. it shows ur character, and its major flaws. in ur foolish attempt to be better, you've shown ur inadequate nature that probably meant why that person is better in the first place. self defeating? u bet.

its laughable and sad at the same time. if god meant for u two to be the same, he wouldn't have made both of you. instead i will go as far to say that u are insulting the creativity of God as u question ur own existence and features as a child of God. grow up. there is definitely more to the christian life than this. outward appearances dun last forever, its the same with forced qualities. if u dun have the heart, nothing will last. give it up and start over. dun live just to prove to a person who doesnt even care, that u are better. only u care. and God will be going 'what are u doing?'

there is a unique role for u to play. dun give it up for temporal, lame and childish satisfaction of being one up over ur 'foe'. ask the Holy Spirit to renew ur mind. renew ur perspective. start living how God wants u to live. strive to improve using God's way not yours. god won't let u live in mediocrity. the more u do it your way. the more mediocre u become. 

one last thing for the unconvinced. when u want to beat the person, u are already putting in more effort than he/she is. what u are jealous of is the natural talent, the innate ability. im sorry but i dun think effort trumps that at all. once again, u just showed u need effort to make up for what is a loss of innate ability on your part.

am i talking about you? yes. ( i mean if u are alr thinking abt this question....)

INSTANTANEOUS RESPONSE

just when i finished typing the previous post, i clicked view post and then my ipod thingy started playing on my blog. and the song STILL was playing. and it was a video and the screen showed this, "Dun be disappointed when God doesn't give you what you want, For he knows the best time for you to have it." AWESOME. God just intervened. instantly. Jesus is my Savior! no argument. period.

honesty.

i need answers to my qns. why did things turn out the way they did. Lord i need to see your hand in this. i need to return to where i once was. people leaving, people backsliding, people simply not caring. why cant it take off? why are we stuck, why are we lost. im losing it. i need support. i cant take it all alone. fellowship. we need fellowship. discipleship. im at my lowest. when i fall down, pls pick me up Lord. i cant stay down. intervention. we need a godly intervention. a Jesus encounter.

cheap. period.