without God I am truly nothing. there was really a purpose to that failed test.

i need to sleep. then again watching old shows and browsing old pictures really make u wanna scream for whatever reason, be it good or bad. so many emotions and concerns and thoughts and feelings, i need God, now more than ever. this period of doing nth is doing something to me. at least there are a few people who make it all better every single day. to really adapt to change is so difficult. i seem to not be able to see past the next day, let alone the future. is it just me or is everything out of order. i need some focus, some sort of a thorough tidying up of myself. im bottling up too much. in a bid to be someone who can be looked up to, im slowly becoming someone i was always afraid to become, an idler. i cannot be like this. i gotta snap out of it. god help me snap out of it. i've lost touch. its time to come back to who i used to be. i dun like the present me. its too much. i've changed. ive got to unchange that. yeap. i have to. for everyone's sake. for my sake.o for goodness sake. literally.

the problems and the one solution

THE PROBLEMS

1) youth service is youth service, not the time to come late, take your time, and enter with an attitude that no one deserves. no one owes anyone anything. the only person we do owe is God

2) don't complain the youth ministry doesn't grow, cuz personal devotion itself helps you grow. blaming someone for our lack of growth is the equivalent of blaming satan for giving us temptation. if we really wanted to grow, we will regardless the provisions. leadership is something we dont question, because God appoints, we follow.

3) ministry is of the heart, not of outward gestures and performances, like in army, sooner or later people will see the 'wayang' (act act only). the heart endures, our emotions dont.rmb when mary chose to listen to Jesus and not help martha. Jesus said she chose what was better. Luke 10:38 a heart of focusing on the right thing which was Jesus.

4) youth ministry is not run by one. man up everyone and start doing something for your own youth ministry and stop taking a backseat and criticizing everything that is wrong from your own perspective, because it is small and short sighted. DO SOMETHING instead of SAY SOMETHING. God doesnt need onlookers, he needs doers of the Word. stop being lazy and hide being that lame excuse of ' but no sermon how we grow'. there are so many resources.(cell leaders, bible study materials, the BIBLE) or is it too much trouble to go to, to learn about a GOD who gave his ALL for us sinners? youth ministry starts with all of us. the pastures are always greener on the other side. and unless god tells u clearly to leave, you don't. its as simple as that.

5) we want to change our youth ministry? then start changing ourselves first and make ourselves usable for God. a heart of critique and unnecessary disrespect and coyness aren't things that God can use.

6) youth ministry is about GOD and not US. is what you can do for God and not what our youth ministry can do for us. its called a ministry. means outreach. so settle ourselves so we can settle others.

THE ONE SOLUTION

cant think of anymore problems we have at the moment but enough for us to reflect and ponder. the one solution is God. Get our lives in order and make ourselves usable. look at our own hearts before looking at others and judging them.get a GOD PERSPECTIVE instead of a 'ME' PERSPECTIVE.

stop our intra-ministry gossiping and focus on what really matters and what really needs to be addressed. it is ultimately God's youth ministry.

p.s. i just had to get it out. hope this wakes us all up

grace assembly and driving lessons

i finally went to grace assembly for a ministry meeting and it was awesome. they actually free worshipped for 15 mins during and after a song, twice! i've never experienced such freedom in worship in a collective before and i was so happy to be able to say all that i wanted to God with the loudest i could be and just raising my hands without regard. everyone is like that there! awesome. simply awesome. then Pastor meng chiam preached about living with grace in place, not displaced or replaced. such an input into my life. God has really prepared the place for me before i went. looking forward to sat man! band and singing training! GRACE IS AWESOME!

(awkward silence)

i went for my first driving lessons today also and i just realised that driving at 20km/h is actually FAST! yea its FAST! dun call me scaredy cat, u go and try yourself for the first time. lol! but it was really fun man. the instructor is really funny with his analogies and theories on the road. only thing is i brake and accelerate really hard so i gotta watch it. guess im made for faster things like F1! hahaha yea right.. haha o man im so not gonna be able to pass let alone drive ppl around. scared. very scary i wanna drive my tank again! =(